Comforting Cosmos

I feel like I'm in a cylindrical sphere-shaped glass case of emotion, plummeting down the steep decline of a vomit inducing roller coaster.
...In a good way, mostly.
I find comfort in consistency and things I can rely on.
Sameness and habit appeal to my neurotic nature.
I feel like everything in my life is changing at warp speed and I'm scrambling to stay a float. I feel like I'm a Molotov cocktail resting in a hoodlum's back pocket, patiently waiting for an inferno to ignite my insanity.
WHOA.
That was slightly more dramatic than I intended.
I'm really happy I swear.
It's just...weird and It's freaking me out.
I wouldn't trade this feeling, for the world.
Maybe that's what scares me.

At least I still have Polaris and Venus's spectacular twinkle to help keep things in perspective when I'm alone at night trying to make sense of it all.

Dear Summer,

GET AT ME.

Sincerely, 

Adele

Control Freak and Her Cronies

Sometimes I just want to feel like everything I'm doing in my life has a purpose. This is (obviously) easier said than done. I want to feel like the sacrifices I'm making and the efforts I put into things will eventually pay off.
I don't really feel that way right now.
I'm thinking that I need a change.
A step in a new (and right) direction.
My life isn't going to change unless I make efforts to change it.
Ya dig?

In other news this week was relatively eventful, immensely exhausting, mentally stimulating, and sincerely joyful. Spring break is coming up and I'm looking forward to sleeping in, running on the beach, and maybe a roller-coaster or two. This is all well and good in theory but I will most likely spend the entire week volunteering at a center for troubled teens, working long nights, and catching up on my school work. I'm still debating on whether or not I'll be able to commit to summer school. Hmmm...

But in the mean time




WE RIDE TONIGHT.

The Truth

Let it be known.

Necassary

Some days just require The Brian Jonestown Massacre

Today, is definitely one of those days!

Diamonds Are Forever

"I've always admitted that I'm ruled by my passions."

R.I.P Elizabeth Taylor

Shine on.

Fall Fast, Fall Free, Fall With Me

Well,  I guess we all survived the Super moon with our sanity and our lives intact. Today my astronomy teacher and I giggled at the silliness of the entire situation. I think the astrology crowd so desperately wanted some sort of validation of their beliefs, even if it meant scaring the ill-informed youth of American (and I guess the rest of the world for that matter).  Cataclysmic catastrophes wreaking havoc across the globe as a result of a particularly bull/bright moon may seem far fetched but you'd be surprised how many people I spoke with who seemed genuinely alarmed. Maybe we're all just searching for a reason to live. A chance to do the things we normally to ashamed or shy to do.
I can't blame anyone for that.
And I shouldn't.

I feel like I've been a lot better about just trusting my instincts and going with my gut, this week. Sometimes you just have to go with what feels right and trust that at some point it will make sense.
Passive much?

Yesterday I ate burritos in Ocean Beach and slow danced in a laundromat and I have to say that it was  the happiest I've been in longer than I can remember.

I guess I just feel like I'm losing control, and it scares me.
This scares me, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

Today is going to be another good day.
Today I'm letting go a little bit more and hope for the best.

Shit.

Lazy Sunday

Chili rellenos and tide pools.
Bliss

The Good Ol' Days

Mother and Father Stratton enjoying a few adult beverages in Mexico, circa 1982.

The apple apparently doesn't fall far from the tree..

Classic.

Seeing Stars

Let's see exactly how much discretion I'll be able to use here...
Just holy shit, it's been a really intense week thus far.

I'm pretty much overwhelmed, excited, infatuated, scared, and exhausted...all at the same time. Yeah, and it's only Thursday. I don't know what is going on but it's very bizarre and I know my behavior is becoming slightly erratic and definitely Atypical. I don't like letting my guard down and I prefer to keep people at an arms distance at all times but it appears that I may have unexpectedly/ unconsciously made an exception.

That was vague enough, right?



So in other (more interesting) news, there is a "Super Moon" this Saturday. Astronomers and Astrologers are arguing about whether or not the extremely full, bright, ad close moon will cause cataclysmic natural disasters. Either way, I plan on checking out. The link below provides some good arguments on both sides and gives a general overview of exactly what a "Super Moon" is.
 Super Moon Info


Star gazing seems to be the theme of this week :)

Photos from The Pearl Hotel's Mad Men Party

Twas a swingin' shagadelic shindig indeed!

Forever Young

Tonight I was talking to my friend who is basically one of Peter Pan's lost boys. He expressed his desire to remain a child forever by illustrating the fact that he still orders off the children's menu at restaurants and has sheets with galaxies on them. He sleeps all day and drinks whiskey and causes trouble all night. I laughed but then quickly realized all the childish bad habits I still posses...such as never admitting I'm wrong, and my charming none existent sense of self control. I guess when you grow up, everything moves at different paces. The life I live is that of an adult, but my inner child still slips out and manages to keep my life in a semi permanent state of disfunction. Maybe my inner child is a lost boy stuck in Neverland. My adult self is waging war with him, pleading with him to grow up but he still wants to dress in animal costumes and spit on the floor. He knows he is losing, but in the meantime insists upon causing as much chaos and disorder as possible.

Stupendous.

Feeling Nostalgic

The Virgin Suicides came out when I was in 5th grade. I used to be completely obsessed with Lux. (shocking I know) Anyway I watched it again the other day. Still as good as I remember. I must have forgotten how good the soundtrack was. I can't stop listening it.

Mad Men and Rude Boys

This weekend was one for the record books. It was infinitely enjoyable to laugh and love and dance and roam with some of the best people I've ever met, all at once for  2 nights in a row. Most fun and the least sleep I've had in quite some time. Friday and Saturday served as Act I and Act II of this weekend's insane, dysfunctional, love fest. I was elated to be able to reconnect with old friends and had the pleasure of meeting several incredible new people. Just when you aren't expecting it and especially when you aren't looking for it, someone can enter your life and brighten your day just with a laugh. Go figure!

I should be less cynical and cash in some of that good karma I've been hoarding over the last few years.

Now I'm going to let my poor body get some much needed REM and start this week off right!

"Buy the ticket, take the ride!"
     ~Hunter S. Thompson

(Oh and by the way, WHOA^ "feel good" blog of the century or what?! Who am I?!)

Where is my mind!?

Tonight's Forecast..

Happy with a definate chance of intoxication!


Awesomeness of this caliber will be achieved this evening. Mark my words!

Also, today's obsession...

<3

C'est la vie

Today did not play out according to plan, in fact...It went quite the opposite. Responsibility roared it's hideously ugly head leaving me in an epic funk.

Not a single extra curricular activity was had.
Not a single friend was seen outside of school.
No leisurely strolls were taken.
My skin remained un-sunkissed.
...and not a single gust of warm springy wind made it's way through my locks.
Adventures surely occurred, just without my claim of ownership over them.


Today that curs-ed responsibility forced me to sit in a stuffy library, coughing my brains out while reading dusty old history books. Worst part is that I still feel equally as overwhelmed as before.


Silver lining? Oh, of course there was one, two actually!
1. I got to spend the better part of the last 2 hours reading books to my daughter before she fell asleep on me like she used to years ago.
2. Moments before I began my negative tirade of gloominess, my Netflick's suggested a very interesting looking documentary on fetishism! Now common be honest! Everyone loves a good fetish story! Am I right or am I right?

If I see anything particularly titillating I'll post clips.

Remember self, tomorrow is a new day.
Things will be better in the morning.


Le sigh.

Yessssss

My favorite scene from my favorite movie growing up.

Mugler

Can't say that I'm usually a fan of facial tattoos, but this guy pulls if off for sure.

23

I have a hard time identifying with people in my own age groups.
I guess after being a parent for 4 years I've become slightly jaded and resentful of the people in my generation. I honestly couldn't comprehend what it would feel like to just wake up in the morning and do whatever I want, whenever I want. Being able to go back to bed. What is the meaning of this? I don't...I just don't understand. The only day I overheard a couple girls sitting behind me in the cafeteria complain and bitch about how bored they were. One of the girls expressed her distress over not having anything to do for the rest of the day. I listened to this with seething jealousy as I rushed to finish my research outline that was due in 15 minutes. I hadn't had time to finish it the night before because my daughter had decided that 11:30PM was a good time to stage a sleep protest. Anyway, don't get me wrong. I'm not calling my generation lazy, I just have been feeling increasingly out of touch with it.

Today I'm going to act like a 23 year old college student.
I'm going to enjoy this insane weather and enjoy my brilliant friends. Today I'm going to do what makes me happy.

....and if I should happen to walk past some roses, you had better believe I am going to stop and smell them!

We were young, darling
We don't have no control
We're out of control



Lynx1: The Neuron Checker..

I just read this awesome article from the Scienctific American about a chemical found in our brains, similar to deadly snake venom, that helps to limit our brains adaptability and literally keep out brains "in check"!

Mind=Blown

Understanding the Brain's "Brake Pedal" in Neural Plasticity

I Don't Know Who Said This, But I Like It

"To make money we lose our health, 

and then to restore our health we lose our money...

We live as if we are never going to die, 

and we die as if we have never lived."

...Fuck.

The Painfully-Pitiful Honesty Blog

The only time when it blows to be single is when you're sick.
When your body aches and your head throbs
When your hair is dirty and nose is chapped
When your temples and your lower back are in fierce competition over who can inflict more agony
When your body feels like it weighs six tons
and your heart just wants to quit

Thats when I wish I had someone
Thats when I wish I wasn't alone.

Mushrooms*

When I was 14 I ate mushrooms* and rolled around on a muddy field in La Masa at midnight, wearing nothing but my chonies. I tied strings to all of the stars in the galaxy and tied the opposite end of the strings to my fingers. By moving my hands I could control the placement of the cosmos. Another time I poured cheap vodka all over my body and had a heart to heart with my inner child...

This video is much more bizarre than anything I have ever experienced.

I really think there is something to be said for the artsy, somewhat disturbing genre of music videos. There really aren't enough of them these days. 

I dig it.

*=For the record, when I was referring to myself "eating mushrooms" I (of course) meant portobellos. I WAS NOT referencing my past drug usage.

Who Loves Orange Soda?

Adele and Kel love orange soda!

Greetings From My Death Bed

Well, it's finally happened. After months of malnutrition and hard livin' my immune system had flipped me the bird. I went to bed on Thursday night feeling particularly exhausted and with pretty substantial migraine. When I awoke on Friday morning, I literally couldn't even talk. My sinuses were throbbing in a way that I have never experienced and my entire body ached as if I had just completed a triathlon.

My finger nails hurt.

My hair hurt.

It hurt to speak or even watch television. I called in sick to work and spent the rest of the day violently coughing and attempting to sleep. 

Today I wish I could say I feel much better, but alas this evil sickness is still upon me. 

If I don't make it through the day, at least I will have this blog as my legacy! eh?eh?

Straight up pitiful!

Bleeeeeeeggggrrrrth

Fuggin' Fungi Fever

How long before the tween girls of America develop spor-like protrusions out of their craniums? 

Symptoms: hysteria, uncontrollable sobbing, auditory hallucinations, trichophilia

Diagnosis: Bieber Fever

Prognisis: Negative (see video below)

I fell in love with this artist today..

Piotr Uklanski

Devo and Cannibalism

I've been sitting in the computer lab at my school for the last hour, listening to an elderly African American woman talk to herself while playing farmville.

I just realized that while I was hating this woman with my entire body, I was simultaneously singing along with the lyrics to Devo's "Gut feeling" while researching ancient Aztec human sacrifice/cannibalism rituals.

Something 'bout the way you taste
makes me want to clear my throat.
There's a message to your movements
that really gets my goat.

 

heheh....

WINNING

“I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available. If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”

~Charlie Motha Fuckin' Sheen

Mellow Yellow

I'm just mad about saffron, and she's just mad about me...

Consciousness and Hungry Zombies

If The Walking Dead were real, and I was elected as the official crossbow wielding zombie killer, this is what I would listen to on my I Pod.

Today was a good day. After school I walked around Downtown San Diego, drinking delicious Turkish coffee while jamming to Bob Dylan. It was cloudy out, the air was cold and electric...you could feel the energy from the storm that is about to hit tomorrow. 

It felt good being outside. 

It felt good being alone.

Being around my friends and family is a joy in itself, but as I've gotten older I've learned to cherish the quiet moments to myself. 

I love being able to just wander...

Being able to stop for a coffee, then just sit and read.  

I once took a meditation class which strongly encouraged "mindfulness", which refers to just being present and attentive in all activities we engage in. Reminding yourself that you are awake and think about what you're doing...

Example: "I am blogging. I am sitting on my couch. My feet are cold. My dog is curled up next to me, snoring while he sleeps. Other then the sound of my typing, my house is silent. My lips still taste like hot sauce."

I always resume my auto pilot  level of consciousness when I'm tired, stressed, and especially when I'm bored.  I once read a book that described this state of mind as our inner zombie. Like the person that takes over and runs the show when we aren't technically there to make "conscious" decisions. 

Maybe the whole "Walking Dead" scenario is real, but maybe these cannibalistic zombies hunger for consciousness rather than flesh. They roam the streets in search of mindful thought.

Yikes, where's my crossbow!?

My (much) BETTER half

Teen motherhood does indeed  have it's perks....

Still trying to make all the pieces fit

Before you can change the world you must realize that you, yourself, are part of it. You can't stand outside looking in.