Love hurts
Sometimes you must ask yourself:
How much am I willing to take?
How far am I willing to go?
Just how much bullshit am I willing to tolerate?
At one point am I going to scream "Uncle"
Some days I want to quit
but today, I didn't.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
En Lava
Today's thoughts:
Love hurts
Sometimes you must ask yourself:
How much am I willing to take?
How far am I willing to go?
Just how much bullshit am I willing to tolerate?
At one point am I going to scream "Uncle"
Some days I want to quit
but today, I didn't.
Love hurts
Sometimes you must ask yourself:
How much am I willing to take?
How far am I willing to go?
Just how much bullshit am I willing to tolerate?
At one point am I going to scream "Uncle"
Some days I want to quit
but today, I didn't.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Bad Mother Fucker
Tonight I planned on treating myself to a night of dancing and debauchery. Somehow I ended up at home eating nearly an entire container of creme brulee gelato while watching the Jersey Shore.
It's funny how life just has a way of not giving you something that you want, while simultaneously giving you something that you need.
I woke up today feeling like myself for the first time in ages. As I was walking to get coffee this morning before work, I finally found that bounce in my step, that has been my cane for last several months. It revisited me like an old friend, lending it's support, and guidance. The best part of this realization was knowing that it was me providing it. When I get in my depressive funks, I need to take inventory of my own independence and remember how much I've accomplished in such a short amount of time. I need to remember that most people my age couldn't take "it" and that I live this life everyday...and kick ass doing it.
No one is going to hold my hand anymore.
If I want something in this life, I've got to earn it, work hard for it, and buckle down to achieve it.
"The most terrifying fact about the universe is not that it is hostile but that it is indifferent, but if we can come to terms with this indifference, then our existence as a species can have genuine meaning. However vast the darkness, we must supply our own light."
~ Stanley Kubrick
Lastly...
Can someone please buy me this?
I think, I've earned it.
It's funny how life just has a way of not giving you something that you want, while simultaneously giving you something that you need.
I woke up today feeling like myself for the first time in ages. As I was walking to get coffee this morning before work, I finally found that bounce in my step, that has been my cane for last several months. It revisited me like an old friend, lending it's support, and guidance. The best part of this realization was knowing that it was me providing it. When I get in my depressive funks, I need to take inventory of my own independence and remember how much I've accomplished in such a short amount of time. I need to remember that most people my age couldn't take "it" and that I live this life everyday...and kick ass doing it.
No one is going to hold my hand anymore.
If I want something in this life, I've got to earn it, work hard for it, and buckle down to achieve it.
"The most terrifying fact about the universe is not that it is hostile but that it is indifferent, but if we can come to terms with this indifference, then our existence as a species can have genuine meaning. However vast the darkness, we must supply our own light."
~ Stanley Kubrick
Lastly...
Can someone please buy me this?
I think, I've earned it.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Long Term Memor-iam
I wish I could just forget everything.
I wish I could erase this feeling,
like deleting a phone number or texts.
As much as it breaks my heart to say this, I wish it never happend.
I knew it couldn't work, but sometimes when you want something bad enough you're willing to put yourself through hell to get it. I put my self through hell and it didn't pay off this time, I guess.
I wish I could forget the smell of saw dust and cigarettes, and those sad brown eyes.
There isn't enough whiskey in the world to make this feeling or these memories go away.
(Believe me, I've tried)
I wish I could erase this feeling,
like deleting a phone number or texts.
As much as it breaks my heart to say this, I wish it never happend.
I knew it couldn't work, but sometimes when you want something bad enough you're willing to put yourself through hell to get it. I put my self through hell and it didn't pay off this time, I guess.
I wish I could forget the smell of saw dust and cigarettes, and those sad brown eyes.
There isn't enough whiskey in the world to make this feeling or these memories go away.
(Believe me, I've tried)
I've given myself 1 week to cry and put myself back together,
then it's back to business as usual.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Post Hangover Solace
I got very drunk a few nights ago.
So drunk that I kind of scared myself.
I can't/won't/and shouldn't advocate the use to alcohol as a remedy for a stress fractured heart but god dammit...I sure want to.
I want to say "Damn, I needed that"
But that would be wrong
So I wont
I did however need a night where I could just literally let my hair down, enjoy the people I adore so dearly and burn off some frustration on the dance floor. I needed to laugh and scream and sing and sway and do all the things someone my age should be allowed to do.
...I think I got that itch out of my system for a while, thankfully.
My life if beautiful, but devastatingly difficult. The people I love more than life itself let me down more than I care to admit. I feel like I'm at the point now where I see no purpose in seeking new relationships with people. If that's jaded, than so be it. I'm sick of feeling like the lyrics to an Otis Redding song.
I care so very much about the people who I let into my weird little world but I think I'm ready to become a hermit.I think I'm ready to just be the girl who works every day, is a good mother/father to her daughter, and a honors student. That's all that matters right now.
A social life is a wonderful thing, but society just isn't cuttin' it for me at the moment.
So drunk that I kind of scared myself.
I can't/won't/and shouldn't advocate the use to alcohol as a remedy for a stress fractured heart but god dammit...I sure want to.
I want to say "Damn, I needed that"
But that would be wrong
So I wont
I did however need a night where I could just literally let my hair down, enjoy the people I adore so dearly and burn off some frustration on the dance floor. I needed to laugh and scream and sing and sway and do all the things someone my age should be allowed to do.
...I think I got that itch out of my system for a while, thankfully.
My life if beautiful, but devastatingly difficult. The people I love more than life itself let me down more than I care to admit. I feel like I'm at the point now where I see no purpose in seeking new relationships with people. If that's jaded, than so be it. I'm sick of feeling like the lyrics to an Otis Redding song.
I care so very much about the people who I let into my weird little world but I think I'm ready to become a hermit.I think I'm ready to just be the girl who works every day, is a good mother/father to her daughter, and a honors student. That's all that matters right now.
A social life is a wonderful thing, but society just isn't cuttin' it for me at the moment.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Someone who shouldn't matter
This isn't even worth discussing, and yet it's been tearing me up inside all day.
I did this to myself
I knew all along it was wrong
I wanted it to be the fairytale
In my mind it would be perfect someday
even if we were just friends
I knew it was wrong
I knew he was wrong
But, God dammit..
I did this to myself
I knew all along it was wrong
I wanted it to be the fairytale
In my mind it would be perfect someday
even if we were just friends
I knew it was wrong
I knew he was wrong
But, God dammit..
FUCK!
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