Long Term Memor-iam

I wish I could just forget everything.
I wish I could erase this feeling,
like deleting a phone number or texts.

As much as it breaks my heart to say this, I wish it never happend.
I knew it couldn't work, but sometimes when you want something bad enough you're willing to put yourself through hell to get it. I put my self through hell and it didn't pay off this time, I guess.
I wish I could forget the smell of saw dust and cigarettes, and those sad brown eyes.

There isn't enough whiskey in the world to make this feeling or these memories go away.
(Believe me, I've tried)

I've given myself 1 week to cry and put myself back together,

then it's back to business as usual.

Adele Stratton

..Never has enough time.

Sadness Is My Boyfriend

Sadness, I'm your girl

Post Hangover Solace

I got very drunk a few nights ago.
So drunk that I kind of scared myself.
I can't/won't/and shouldn't advocate the use to alcohol as a remedy for a stress fractured heart but god dammit...I sure want to.
I want to say "Damn, I needed that"
But that would be wrong
So I wont

I did however need a night where I could just literally let my hair down, enjoy the people I adore so dearly and burn off some frustration on the dance floor. I needed to laugh and scream and sing and sway and do all the things someone my age should be allowed to do.

...I think I got that itch out of my system for a while, thankfully.

My life if beautiful, but devastatingly difficult. The people I love more than life itself let me down more than I care to admit. I feel like I'm at the point now where I see no purpose in seeking new relationships with people. If that's jaded, than so be it. I'm sick of feeling like the lyrics to an Otis Redding song.

I care so very much about the people who I let into my weird little world but I think I'm ready to become a hermit.I think I'm ready to just be the girl who works every day, is a good mother/father to her daughter, and a honors student. That's all that matters right now.

A social life is a wonderful thing, but society just isn't cuttin' it for me at the moment.

Someone who shouldn't matter

This isn't even worth discussing, and yet it's been tearing me up inside all day.

I did this to myself
I knew all along it was wrong
I wanted it to be the fairytale
In my mind it would be perfect someday
even if we were just friends

I knew it was wrong
I knew he was wrong

But, God dammit..

FUCK!

Faith VS. Psychosis

I've been working a lot.
A lot
A lot.
I've been so tired I can hardly see straight by the end of the night.
14 hour days will do that to ya, I guess.

Maybe it's the exhaustion.
Desperation perhaps.
Despite my dyer sleep deprivation, I've noticed a driving force inside myself that has been keeping me going at times when I just want to quit. I've been feeling the presence of empowerment that I can't verbalize other than "Just doing it". Dragging my ass out of bed when I've had 4 hours of sleep and putting on my happy face. I'm proud of myself. I haven't been in a long time.

Am I still supposed to consider myself an atheist if I believe in myself?
I don't know
Either way

I'm on fire.